16 Rules To Know How To Judge The Best Zombie Movies

By Mickey Jhonny


The question is frequently posed, what are the best zombie movies? To answer this question, however, one has to first in fact be clear about just what qualifies as a zombie movie. Or, for that matter, what qualifies a zombie. The uninitiated might be surprised to learn this isn't so straightforward a matter as it first seems. We won't presume here to settle the much debated sprinters vs stumblers debate, nor what constitutes being dead. Even leaving aside those controversies, though, the matter isn't necessarily straightforward. For instance, simply calling them the undead or living dead leaves open the place of vampires. They too share the gray place between dead and alive, but, they aren't zombies, that's for sure. So, some kind of rules will be helpful in determining the parameters of what qualifies.

Well, they do say that rules are made to be broken. There's no denying that the rules of cinematic zombies have been regularly broken. Despite this, though, some pretty enduring rules about the nature and origins of zombies have persisted -- despite occasional violation. The upshot is that one has to maintain a little flexibility in discussing this stuff, but, if the limitations are duly acknowledged, there are some useful rule-bounds to be identified.

For purposes then of these reflections on the rules there is benefit in distinguishing between the pre and the post Romero zombies. There are both notable differences and similarities. The discussion wraps up with some consideration to standard narrative rules of the zombie movie as a predictable genre.

The Pre Romero Zombies

1. Following in the Haitian voodoo tradition that gives rise to the zombie idea, the pre-Romero zombies often had a master of some sort who raised them and thereby controlled therm.

2. They were characterized by slow, unbalanced movement,

3. Even the pre-Romero movies had already developed the narrative trope of setting the zombie uprising (if you'll excuse the pun) in some kind of an apocalyptic scenario. Nihilism was the aesthetic of the day. Or night.

4. Connected to the above, zombiism was often depicted as a form of plague.

Romero/post-Romero Zombies

5. Among Romero's enduring changes was that the zombies ceased to be in the control of some master-mind. Instead, now, zombies more closely resembled an act of god or natural disaster. It has become common currency that in fact the rise of zombies constituted some kind of retribution by nature against some alleged ecological evil of human action.

6. They were now driven by an insatiable hunger to eat the living, which had (and apparently required) no further explanation.

7. Under Romero's influence, the zombie attacks were explicitly depicted in graphic and gruesome detail, with emphasis on the gore.

8. Possibly the biggest and most widely homage-inspired contribution of Romero was the mythology that zombies could be killed only by a brain destroying blow to the head.

9 Though perhaps as enduring as #8 is the premise that the zombie plague, which as we saw predates Romero's vision, was spread through the human population by zombie bites.

Stock ingredients for a zombie movie

10. Pretty much every zombie movie, it seems, has to have the loser character that, whether out of stupidity, selfishness, cowardice or general inhumanity screws everything up for everyone else. Their anti-group disposition causes a break in the fortifications holding the zombies out of the safe space. So the last shred of human society, the straggling survivors, is smote by the social outcast. (There is very much a kind of communitarian conservatism to most of these movies.)

11. Straggling survivors, of course, are also required. As the genre develops more and more these straggler groups are depicted in a manner suited to please the most vigilant diversity commissar: with an improbable mix of ethnicity, gender and age. Presumably this is all intended as a microcosm of the human condition, with its the hope and futility, dignity and venality thoroughly on display.

12. The "what's happening" factor. Always in the beginning, no one seems to be able to figure it out. Despite the rather large number of zombie movies, it always appears as though zombie movies take place in a world where no one has even seen one. And certainly no public official ever has. They just can't figure it out!

13. Zombie movies in fact are not about the danger of zombies, but about the danger of humans.

14. Some poor sap, emotionally attached to one of the zombies, just can't believe his or her loved one is now a flesh eating ambulating corpse. It usually goes badly.

15. A peace maker and implicit leader, who tries to pull everyone together and is usually thanked for the effort by some obnoxious jerk eventually accusingly commenting "who made you leader?"

16. And let us not forget the attractions of the love-interest. Among the ragtag of humanity there will be reliably at least one hottie of each gender. No doubt part of the attraction of zombie movies for many fanboys is the projected excitement that finally now some hot babe will have to have sex with me. I mean, the future of humanity depends upon it. As observed, though, the hotties are usually represented in both genders. So, just like high school, there's still some alpha type messing up your plans. But, hey, at least there's some faint hope, right? What's the point of a zombie apocalypse if it's not going to give you some hope to make out with a babe who wouldn't give you the time of day in study hall?

So, now, when somebody asks you about the best zombie movies , you know what you're talking about!




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