Firstly, we need to get something straight. I am not a drunk. I like to drink, true, but I don't brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack, or anything crazy like that. I do go out at least twice a week to my neighborhood bar and have a few drinks. I'm well known there, and one of my trademarks is that I am always wearing funny t-shirts. The shirt I wore that night in particular was a gem that involved quite a funny joke about Kanye West. It's been forever since I wore it, so I'll refrain from butchering the joke here but, trust me, it was hilarious.
Being that Wednesday is one of the better nights to get soused with my comrades, we all met up at Paul's Place at around 7pm and I was proudly sporting one of my new funny t-shirts. My two friends and I ate some chicken wings, and starting pouring beer on top of them in our bellies. I love my bar and we were having a fantastic time, and there were even some girls there that have never been there before. We bought them drinks, we made them laugh, and turned the charm up to 10 while we played some shuffleboard. All in all, the night started off pretty great.
Since it was a weekday and most people have jobs to go to, the bar started emptying out around midnight. For some reason, I had enough drinks in me to think that staying to close was a great idea. Some small part of me knew that tomorrow would be an 8 hour journey through a thick hangover, but that wasn't stopping me tonight. I had shifted to drinking beers with boiler-makers interspaced throughout, so it is needless to say that I was getting hammered out of any sense of common decency. I had also completely forgotten about my current funny t-shirts selection, and everything.
Closing time came and went and I only had one drunk friend left to see me safely to an all-night diner for something greasy to eat. Eating greasy food is extremely important when it comes to dealing with extremely drunkenness. We took a cab there and I'm almost surprised that the driver didn't get drunk just from the fumes coming off of us. We walked into the diner and collapsed into a booth, giggling about how drunk we probably looked. That was when I heard someone say in a strong, black voice, "Hey, nice shirt." What shirt? I'm wearing funny t-shirts?
I am not a fighter, I'll admit. I usually fend off fights with a witty quip and a disarming smile. When I've drank boilermakers all night, however, there is no chance of that happening whatsoever. Whoever was about to fight me, would only meet drunken slaps in opposition. I turned around, and lost all my will to fight or insult. The two guys sitting in the booth behind me were twin goliaths. Giant, angry-looking, black guys in suits. What in the world had I gotten myself into with my funny t-shirts? I stared at them with a look of shock on my face forever, but they couldn't maintain for long. They broke out laughing, and I gave an uneasy smile. It turns out that they were security guys for Kanye, and they disliked him about as much as anyone could.
I will probably never see those guys again, but I'm sure they browsed websites full of funny t-shirts until they found that Kanye West shirt. I'm also certain I was too drunk to tell them where I got it, even though they asked more than once. The whole situation could have gone much worse. Kanye West could have been craving some greasy diner food that night and been there himself. I might have been seriously scolded by an uptight pop singer.
Being that Wednesday is one of the better nights to get soused with my comrades, we all met up at Paul's Place at around 7pm and I was proudly sporting one of my new funny t-shirts. My two friends and I ate some chicken wings, and starting pouring beer on top of them in our bellies. I love my bar and we were having a fantastic time, and there were even some girls there that have never been there before. We bought them drinks, we made them laugh, and turned the charm up to 10 while we played some shuffleboard. All in all, the night started off pretty great.
Since it was a weekday and most people have jobs to go to, the bar started emptying out around midnight. For some reason, I had enough drinks in me to think that staying to close was a great idea. Some small part of me knew that tomorrow would be an 8 hour journey through a thick hangover, but that wasn't stopping me tonight. I had shifted to drinking beers with boiler-makers interspaced throughout, so it is needless to say that I was getting hammered out of any sense of common decency. I had also completely forgotten about my current funny t-shirts selection, and everything.
Closing time came and went and I only had one drunk friend left to see me safely to an all-night diner for something greasy to eat. Eating greasy food is extremely important when it comes to dealing with extremely drunkenness. We took a cab there and I'm almost surprised that the driver didn't get drunk just from the fumes coming off of us. We walked into the diner and collapsed into a booth, giggling about how drunk we probably looked. That was when I heard someone say in a strong, black voice, "Hey, nice shirt." What shirt? I'm wearing funny t-shirts?
I am not a fighter, I'll admit. I usually fend off fights with a witty quip and a disarming smile. When I've drank boilermakers all night, however, there is no chance of that happening whatsoever. Whoever was about to fight me, would only meet drunken slaps in opposition. I turned around, and lost all my will to fight or insult. The two guys sitting in the booth behind me were twin goliaths. Giant, angry-looking, black guys in suits. What in the world had I gotten myself into with my funny t-shirts? I stared at them with a look of shock on my face forever, but they couldn't maintain for long. They broke out laughing, and I gave an uneasy smile. It turns out that they were security guys for Kanye, and they disliked him about as much as anyone could.
I will probably never see those guys again, but I'm sure they browsed websites full of funny t-shirts until they found that Kanye West shirt. I'm also certain I was too drunk to tell them where I got it, even though they asked more than once. The whole situation could have gone much worse. Kanye West could have been craving some greasy diner food that night and been there himself. I might have been seriously scolded by an uptight pop singer.
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